i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
