dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
