Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
