You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
