took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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