that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
