I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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