I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
