wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
