What did we do last night that was yellow?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
