So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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