this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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