I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My penis needs a shock collar
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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