I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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