you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize