Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
