He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
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Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
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Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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