The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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