After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
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Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms