I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.