Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
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I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
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Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.