I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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