He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
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I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
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Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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