i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
