she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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