i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
