Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
