I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize