she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
