im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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