I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
found the other keg... it's in the tree
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Randomize
