dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
