Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
