I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize