she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
