you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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