U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Randomize
