You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
