I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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