the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
