aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
