I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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