Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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