The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
