I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He shit in the fireplace
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
