Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
