Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
