so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
