if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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