apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
