So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
