Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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