Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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