So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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