12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
