I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
