She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
