Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
