he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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