i think i have two assholes
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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