he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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