let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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