We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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