she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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