I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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