i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
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