My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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