how can u be prego again
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
