This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Buhtt sex?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
