well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
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