So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
