No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
