alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
