Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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