I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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