i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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