he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
