Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
